Consequences of Affairs in Marriages

    Affairs are most commonly interpreted and understood as intimate relationships that people have with another person other than their spouse or official partner. One of the main consequences it causes is breakups and divorces. However, this is only one of its many layers. An affair is an act of infidelity in nature and, as a result, there are two primary types of infidelity, physical and emotional. Both of them have their own sub-categories that build them up, such as visual, fantasy, romantic, and sexual involvements. It is also important to note that each one of these activities is addictive, consequently causing the human brain to seek a stronger form of stimulation, which deepens the level of infidelity.

    One of the first layers of affairs is the fantasy one. It involves a mental detachment, it takes the form of continual intimate contemplation about another person, or things like fictional characters, other than the chosen partner. This opens the way for emotional disconnection within the relationship, which is caused by a change in energy output. The time, care, and emotional investments that were once in the real thing start to get divided, going into the fantasy. It causes negligence in the relationship, which often increases the number of reasons for arguments and disagreements. Thus, decreasing the original intimacy and satisfaction the couple once cherished and enjoyed.

    Visual infidelity then follows it. They are things like pornographic pictures, videos, websites, and any other media that portrays immodesty. Since this activity is much harder to hide than thoughts, it creates a physical erosion of trust. Individuals would have to hide their actions at all costs should they desire to keep them hidden from their significant other, consequently, building up more pressure on the relationship. Generally, it decreases the level of communication, self-esteem, and connection with their partner. The consequence of the discovery of said actions is even more severe because it reveals evidence of secrecy among the couple and damages trust above all else.

    The third level is romantic infidelity, an activity in which one partner gets involved with a specific person and thus lives a “second life”. According to“Affair Prevention” by Scott Gardner, engaging in a romantic affair is basically living a Shakespearean drama story. Over time, individuals begin to crave it, a need to feel something greater than the usual and boring daily life. However, the consequence of this act leads to emotional distress because the fear of this secret coming to light consumes the good character of a person. It increases feelings of shame and guilt while also increasing anxiety. Furthermore, the partner who comes to discover this secret will be left with feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and insecurity. At this point, the trust in the relationship will decrease a lot or be broken.

    Lastly, a sexual affair is one of the deepest forms of infidelity as well as the most damaging to any couple, also known as adultery. It can happen with or without emotional attachments and the process of reaching this level is subtle. This happens when individuals become accustomed to getting close to crossing the boundaries of their relationship, eventually, the line gets crossed. As a result, the consequences vary depending on the level of attachment, but common outcomes of this normally are a complete loss of trust and a change in the psychological health of both the betrayed and the unfaithful partner.

    In conclusion, every situation is unique due to the different ways people react to affairs in their relationships. Some are able to work through the challenging period and build a stronger relationship, while other couples may seek to separate and divorce. Nonetheless, the consequences of affairs always last for a long time and trust gets damaged the most.

Transitions in Marriage

    There are various phases and changes married couples encounter throughout their marital journey. The overall success of a marriage, or the level of satisfaction and happiness, is heavily dependent on how well the wedded pair is able to adjust to each stage. Since each of the many stages has the potential to greatly change the dynamics and nature of a relationship, we will only examine four of these periods: The honeymoon, the chapter without children, the first years with children, and the time that the children go out to live away from home.

    The first month after the marriage day is often referred to as the honeymoon period. Not to confuse it with the culturally embrace honeymoon vacation of a few days, this refers to the time frame, the newness of the relationship within the newlywed pair. There is excitement, bonding, and new experiences. This is a special time when the bride and groom must adjust from independent living to a collective one, and the first adjustments will serve as an initial base for all other chapters to come. Therefore, learning to communicate openly is as essential for the couple's trust level in each other as is the establishment of routines and roles, intimacy and romance, and setting long-range future plans. In other words, this is the time for the two love birds to dive deeper into their proximity, to become so close to one another that the process of becoming a single being begins.

    Right after the honeymoon phase, we have the stage where there are no children in between the couple’s relationship, often referred to as the “child-free” interval. According to “The Newly Married: A Family Without Children” this is the period where there is a structure in which the two will have a well-established structure of living. It is where they are able to deal with conflicts and setbacks, resolve diverse and assorted challenges, and build upon their marital system. Ultimately, another time frame for them to become one.

    Eventually, the birth of the first child happens and the couple becomes a full-on family which will continue to expand with every birth of another baby. Understanding that the marital system will need to adapt and change into a family system is a crucial aspect of a healthy home environment and satisfaction in the relationship. As the family expands the family system changes, transitions will happen with the birth of every new baby and over time as the kids grow up. As indicated by the National Institute of Health in the “Expectant parents' anticipated changes in workload after the birth of their first child”, evidence showcases that women's workload increases by 85%, while men’s by 53%. Thus, the couple's relationship will experience a lot more tension, which explains why many parents experience a decrease in their marital satisfaction, lower communication with their spouse, and increased feelings of being left out by their partner.

    The “empty nest” stage indicates the time when the children reach adulthood, leaving their parent's home to their independent lives, whether it is for college, a job, or by getting married. This is the time span where the parents must let go of their kids and begin to get back into a similar rhythm they had before the kids came along, to rediscover their individual identities and reevaluate their goals and priorities. Many couples actually divorce throughout this lapse of time because the kids were holding them together more than anything else.

 

    In conclusion, married couples have comprehensive long-term success when they are able to predict, plan, and prepare for the upcoming transitions and challenges in their relationship. Therefore, good communication, affirmation of love, cooperation, coordination, and intimacy are the main keys to a fortunate marriage.

What Does it Take to Prepare for Marriage?

    Filtering out cultural ideas and recommendations of what marriage preparations are needed is one thing to carefully consider because many people around the world today end up falling for them. They include things such as casually hanging out first, being financially stable, using cohabitation as a married life test experience, or needing to thoroughly love the other person.

    Within the last few decades, the term “hanging out” has been used increasingly more often as people go out on dates. However, this new term has diminished the original idea of dating because it is meant to be a more casual level of dating. This belief removes some of the most worrying parts of a date, such as the pressure of planning, long-term pairing prospects, and high monetary costs. As a result, it is understandable how appealing hanging out is in contrast to dating because it still provides both parties the time needed to become acquainted with each other, talk, discover common interests, and build trust. 

    An address about hanging out and dating by a religious authority, Dallin H. Oaks, sheds more light on this cultural issue. He states that the idea of hanging out is “postponing growth”, consequently creating an increasing number of “permanent adolescents”. Reasoning that the things seen on TV shows, movies, and so forth are the main agents pushing the meaning of dating to extinction.

    Another belief in the process of marriage is the need for financial stability. Surely, having money is a crucial part of life and self-sustainability. Being able to cover all costs of living for a family has always been a critical concern throughout the ages. However, it is also equally important to be aware that money is a comfort and a luxury. It cannot similarly offer the kinds of things that time and attention do. A great amount of cash bestows many benefits and good experiences, yet many families with good funds still have problems, issues, and conflicts. Hence, a poor family compared to a rich one can still be just as happy or sad, as far as financial concerns add up.

    Cohabitation is yet another cultural belief becoming increasingly popular in the last few decades. This is the idea that unmarried couples should live together for a certain period of time in order to experience what married life would be like with the other person. This is closely related to hanging out. It removes some pressure of a long-term commitment by providing a sample of how things might look in the long run, and it also provides some advantages as well. Be as it may, there are many married couples who have come to showcase the final results of cohabitation, the drawbacks outweighing the benefits. Some examples are that couples who have or are cohabitating have lower satisfaction and quality in the relationship, higher rates of violence, more unstable and durable commitments, and an elevated level of health problems along with depression.

    Whether one thoroughly loves the other person or not also gets in the way of people getting married, it may become a stumbling block for them. How much an individual loves another is hard to measure, but it is believed that all love boils down to four types: Eros, Storge, Agape, and Philia.

    Eros love is the passionate one, the physical expression of it, which usually is a source of great joy or sorrow when all is said and done. Storge love pertains to the kind of sentiment parents have for children. It is basically unconditional and comes naturally. Agape love involves no self-benefit, like the love of the Christian God for man and men’s love for God. Finally, philia love relates to an affection that goes beyond a good feeling, like brotherly love or a close friendship. In the end, it is imperative to know that it is unnecessary for anyone to fit into all of these categories, but rather only the one that is individually considered to be the most important.

    In conclusion, there is no need to hang out first, cohabitate, have great financial stability, or thoroughly understand the kind of love in the relationship. The thing that it truly takes to prepare for marriage is to not allow outside cultural ideas to get in the way of what each person feels to be right. There is no single right path to marriage, surprisingly there are actually various right ones.

How does Gender and Its Tendencies Influence Family Lives

 Though there might not be limitations to what men and women, or in other words the male and female genders, are able to accomplish, it is undeniable that both have their own sets of strengths and tendencies. Some of the most common patterns of behavior may be influenced by nurture, while others are by nature. As a result, each ends up with a set of skills that aid in their daily capabilities and roles within a family unit.

Usual male tendencies may include orientation toward three-dimensional objects, gross movements and activities, compartmental thinking, competitiveness, and aggression. The documentary “Boys & Girls Are Different: Men, Women & The Sex Difference”, directed by George Paul attempts to showcase whether the distinction between men and women is in fact an innate habit or a socially constructed standard. The presentation depicted evidence of baby boys having a greater tendency for physical movement than baby girls did. However, the baby boys did not attempt to copy mouth movements from the adults nearly as much as the girls did. Between those two main characteristics and a few others, it is not so surprising to see why grown-up boys mostly dominate the sporting world and girls have a more refined aptitude to notice small details.

Those tendencies and skills within men have aided them throughout history in their roles in their families. Most cultures around the world have demonstrated men being responsible for mainly protecting and providing for their families through time, as well as presiding over it. There are many benefits for families because of these qualities and differences. No individual can completely fulfill all the necessary functions a healthy family needs. Raising children to reach their true potential is a hard task, which can be made easier if a man and a woman work together. Thus, society benefits from male and female gender differences, whether it is by nature or nurture.

Some familiar female tendencies are their orientation to form relationships with other people, noticing small details, gentleness, connected thinking, and often cooperation. The varying development of the brain between the female and male gender offers an answer to why there are in fact differences between them. The short video “The Science Around Male Brains vs. Female Brains” adds to what the documentary by George Paul revealed and “A Tale of Two Brains: Men's Brain Women's Brain” by Mark Gungor clarifies it further. Gungor explained the female brain to be more like a “big ball of wire”, so everything is connected to another line, while the male one separates things into “boxes”, which do not connect with other things. Consequently, women can find how things can relate to and impact other things.

How do those tendencies aid in their roles in families? Women have a greater aptitude to have a wider perspective on things, while men are more myopic and may struggle to see the bigger picture. Not only that, many instances have shown mothers to have a natural tendency to raise children and guide them in challenging times. The way their brains work might explain why they are able to do these things more naturally than men.

In conclusion, men and women are indeed distinct beings and each has their own set of strengths and weaknesses. However, life is not a competition between the two sexes, so accepting these differences and using them for the benefit of our global society will further enhance it. Thus, it is very important to be aware of the existing differences between the two genders, as John Stuart Mill once said “He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that, [...] and has no ground for preferring either option”. 

The Effects of Social Class and Culture Diversity in Family Units

    Varying social classes in our society is an influential factor in individual and group development because of each class's distinct environment. Some of the strongest factors are the varying acceptable behavior, priorities, and engagement in activities and hobbies in which the lower, middle, and upper classes are involved.

    The environment each class is capable of offering affects family members over time as they grow up. A documentary directed by Louis Alvarez and Andy Kolker, “People Like Us: Social Class in America” explored the many ways social classes can impact education, job prospects, and personal relationships by interviewing a diverse range of people within the United States. In contrast to the families of a business owner, a working-class factory worker, and a schoolteacher, Tammy Crabtree and her family demonstrated a distinctive grooming, manner, living maintenance, and even a speech pattern compared to the other families. Years later, when part two of Tammy’s story was released, her early family environment unfortunately proved to have major, life-changing, consequences for her sons.

    In family units where the parents do not have outside support, or the children lack respect for them as well as education, or do not have a previous family model to rely on, are unavoidably more likely to distance themselves from the family members. Though it is hard to firmly argue that a different social class prevents the said events, the families of lower classes most certainly have a higher of encountering them.

    Another factor affecting family units is cultural diversity. Family cultures are commonly not easily identifiable until they are in contrast with other ones. The clash of different cultures can change things within a family system for the better or worse. After studying “The Costs of Getting Ahead: Mexican Family System Changes After Immigration” by Martica L. Bacallao and Paul R. Smokowski, showcases clear evidence that acculturation happens faster in children than in adults. Increasing tension within the family happens as children begin to adopt new cultures. This process most commonly occurs after families move to a different state or even a different country.

    As discussed in my previous post, one’s development is dependent on its four basic environmental elements, so when extreme changes happen in one’s microsystem, mesosystem, exosystem, and macro systems we can expect conflicts between family members, at least until they are able to adapt to the new circumstances and environment. Culture affects a family just as much as families affect cultureThusus a single country can have a wide variety of cultures from city to city and from one state to another.

    Familism, which encompasses behaviors, attitudes, and family structure, can slow down the process of acculturation and lift some of the tension it creates. However, the family structure must remain the same as it was, otherwise, there will be a power struggle when the circumstances and environment change. For example, if the father who had a leading role in the family structure works too much, or moves elsewhere to prepare the groundwork for the family to move in later, will not be present enough for the family as they need him to be. As a result, the oldest son might feel a responsibility to fill that spot, or someone else like the mother and even the other children.

    In conclusion, social classes and cultural diversities greatly affect the development of the members of every family unit. While there are indeed far too many factors to take into account in those two categories alone, not getting caught up in outside social behavior and cultural systems will be the strongest key to avoiding tension and conflict within the family unit.