Communication and Problem-Solving

    Good communication has been one recurring solution to many of the marital challenges discussed, such as dealing with transitions through the married life journey, establishing an effective and adaptable family system, and handling stress. However, how are good disclosures of thoughts and feelings attained?

    First, identify and work on resolving common types of conflict that aggravate communication. Complementary conflict explains the usual pattern of behavior where one partner is very dominant in the relationship, while the other is more passive. This comprises a distinguishable personality of one partner being persuasive and talkative and the other having a quiet and withdrawing characteristic. This allows greater issues to emerge because these dispositions reinforce each other, blocking opportunities for better communication to develop and increasing negative outcomes in the partnership.

    The symmetrical and parallel conflicts, which are nearly the exact opposite of each other. A Symmetrical struggle happens when both partners react the same way. Related features can be the same as the ones from complementary conflict, but instead of reinforcing each other, they clash against itself. For example, if one partner yells, withdraws, persuades, or desires to win, the other partner will do likewise. Then, the parallel one is when the couple both deny, ignore, or retreat from a conflict. Thus, creating a gap in the proximity and intimacy of the relationship.

    Frequent issues like encoding followed by decoding also obstruct good communication. According to research, voice tone indicates a deeper level of relaying one's mind, more than words. Whereas nonverbal cues, like body language, have an even greater part. Around 14% of a message is understood by words, while 35% is by tone of voice and 51% by body language. This happens because of the comfort level of being vulnerable, and the capability of being able to fully express emotions. Therefore, increasing self-awareness will improve communication within a relationship.

    Feedback is equally important because of honesty and truth promotion. A certain level of criticism is required for effective outcomes just as much as being able to take in the critique constructively in a way that will assist the partnership to evolve and grow. This should convey a piece of friendly advice more than a brutal and complex critique of judgment. The couple makes each other feel loved, cared for and believed in.

    Lastly, demonstrating empathy, assertiveness, and respect are the final keys. The EAR method encompasses the five secrets for effective communication. Empathy comes in a three-part combo. First, is the disarming technique, which is about discovering the truth behind the statements, arguments, or accusations made by the other person. For example, when someone says “I always take the trash out, while you don't do anything to help out in the house”, the truth behind this could be that the partner takes care of the trash “most times”. Failing to see what the other is doing around the house. As a result, the second and third parts are emotional and thought empathy. Rephrasing statements to better understand what another is thinking and ultimately feeling.

    Fourth, use assertiveness. Avoid hiding thoughts, but show them in a direct and tactful manner. The “I feel” statement is generally the best way because it does not accuse or directly attack the partner receiving the feedback.

    Finally, the fourth part is to show respect and appreciation. Recognizing the value of a partner and saying it out loud will showcase your attention to things you appreciate about them. Genuine and positive statements will be key to better handling heated situations.

    In Conclusion, identifying any conflict or stumbling blocks in the relationship is the first step to take to better convey thoughts and emotions to the partner. Use positive feedback that shows care and love. After that, the five steps of effective communication will be more effective.

Family Crisis and Coping Skills

            There are many life events that put families’ relationships and systems under stress, things such as secrets, distrust, blending families, the death of loved ones, financial uncertainty, different faiths in the household, and other resentments, thus becoming a crisis. A single case may not be enough to apply a consequential amount of stress in a family for it to be considered a real problematic matter, but the sum of every said condition does. In other words, when a family is already under certain daily stresses, a single event has the potential to completely tip its balance. Knowing what is already going on in a household assists in determining how the family responds to a crisis. However, the most effective way to deal with difficult family matters is to have, or use, good coping skills.

Crises are equal to the family management of stress plus their definition of said events along with their resources, and responses. However, many families in crisis are usually already dealing with multiple strains before a more brunt force is added to the equation. Pauline Boss, educator, Ph.D., and researcher, asserted that these multiple variables ultimately become too strong, more than what many families can handle. As a result, the entire relationship of the household members can change drastically.

Koos's “profile of troubles” sheds more light on how Boss’ theory explains why there are different end results of a crisis for a family. He graphically represented the idea of how family relationships are affected by these events in the long run. He focused on how families tend to either resist, worsen, improve, or partially to fully recover from crises. Therefore, the key to which of these five possible alternate end results depends on the stress-coping skills of individuals and the family as a whole.

Good communication is one of the keys. Being able to fully express feelings and thoughts will unlock the possibility of outside help to come in. Optimally, the people involved in this method will be the wedded couple and their kids, but other people can also help if they fully understand the situation, like professional family therapists. Fostering problem-solving and conflict management results in accordance. Thus, husbands and wives will have a tendency to work together on things, rather they are about good or bad things. Early financial management will also be a great tool because many life problems worldwide are more easily solved with good monetary stewardship. Avoiding financial worries will also alleviate some pressure from the total stress.

Events have a direct relationship with a person’s thoughts about them, which then have a direct relationship to the emotions concerning them. One thing leads to another, eventually leading to certain patterns of behavior. One family may define a stressor differently than another one. As a result, it leads to different responses. In better words, perception becomes another key to positively managing crises. Koos's graphical theory explains that for a certain period of time, every relationship quality and satisfaction falls during crises, but the recovery point is where there are many variants. Hence, there will always be many inevitable hardships for families to deal with throughout the years. However, being able to use challenges in a way that will improve the family relationship is the best possible outcome.

In short, crises can always be dealt with, if family members are able to use good coping methods. Avoiding twisted thinking such as overgeneralization and the negative effects of magnification can lead to better behaviors like clear communication and accordance, and family unity through any bad times. Substantially, controlling one’s thoughts and emotions towards an event results in better behavior to deal with the problem.

Consequences of Affairs in Marriages

    Affairs are most commonly interpreted and understood as intimate relationships that people have with another person other than their spouse or official partner. One of the main consequences it causes is breakups and divorces. However, this is only one of its many layers. An affair is an act of infidelity in nature and, as a result, there are two primary types of infidelity, physical and emotional. Both of them have their own sub-categories that build them up, such as visual, fantasy, romantic, and sexual involvements. It is also important to note that each one of these activities is addictive, consequently causing the human brain to seek a stronger form of stimulation, which deepens the level of infidelity.

    One of the first layers of affairs is the fantasy one. It involves a mental detachment, it takes the form of continual intimate contemplation about another person, or things like fictional characters, other than the chosen partner. This opens the way for emotional disconnection within the relationship, which is caused by a change in energy output. The time, care, and emotional investments that were once in the real thing start to get divided, going into the fantasy. It causes negligence in the relationship, which often increases the number of reasons for arguments and disagreements. Thus, decreasing the original intimacy and satisfaction the couple once cherished and enjoyed.

    Visual infidelity then follows it. They are things like pornographic pictures, videos, websites, and any other media that portrays immodesty. Since this activity is much harder to hide than thoughts, it creates a physical erosion of trust. Individuals would have to hide their actions at all costs should they desire to keep them hidden from their significant other, consequently, building up more pressure on the relationship. Generally, it decreases the level of communication, self-esteem, and connection with their partner. The consequence of the discovery of said actions is even more severe because it reveals evidence of secrecy among the couple and damages trust above all else.

    The third level is romantic infidelity, an activity in which one partner gets involved with a specific person and thus lives a “second life”. According to“Affair Prevention” by Scott Gardner, engaging in a romantic affair is basically living a Shakespearean drama story. Over time, individuals begin to crave it, a need to feel something greater than the usual and boring daily life. However, the consequence of this act leads to emotional distress because the fear of this secret coming to light consumes the good character of a person. It increases feelings of shame and guilt while also increasing anxiety. Furthermore, the partner who comes to discover this secret will be left with feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and insecurity. At this point, the trust in the relationship will decrease a lot or be broken.

    Lastly, a sexual affair is one of the deepest forms of infidelity as well as the most damaging to any couple, also known as adultery. It can happen with or without emotional attachments and the process of reaching this level is subtle. This happens when individuals become accustomed to getting close to crossing the boundaries of their relationship, eventually, the line gets crossed. As a result, the consequences vary depending on the level of attachment, but common outcomes of this normally are a complete loss of trust and a change in the psychological health of both the betrayed and the unfaithful partner.

    In conclusion, every situation is unique due to the different ways people react to affairs in their relationships. Some are able to work through the challenging period and build a stronger relationship, while other couples may seek to separate and divorce. Nonetheless, the consequences of affairs always last for a long time and trust gets damaged the most.

Transitions in Marriage

    There are various phases and changes married couples encounter throughout their marital journey. The overall success of a marriage, or the level of satisfaction and happiness, is heavily dependent on how well the wedded pair is able to adjust to each stage. Since each of the many stages has the potential to greatly change the dynamics and nature of a relationship, we will only examine four of these periods: The honeymoon, the chapter without children, the first years with children, and the time that the children go out to live away from home.

    The first month after the marriage day is often referred to as the honeymoon period. Not to confuse it with the culturally embrace honeymoon vacation of a few days, this refers to the time frame, the newness of the relationship within the newlywed pair. There is excitement, bonding, and new experiences. This is a special time when the bride and groom must adjust from independent living to a collective one, and the first adjustments will serve as an initial base for all other chapters to come. Therefore, learning to communicate openly is as essential for the couple's trust level in each other as is the establishment of routines and roles, intimacy and romance, and setting long-range future plans. In other words, this is the time for the two love birds to dive deeper into their proximity, to become so close to one another that the process of becoming a single being begins.

    Right after the honeymoon phase, we have the stage where there are no children in between the couple’s relationship, often referred to as the “child-free” interval. According to “The Newly Married: A Family Without Children” this is the period where there is a structure in which the two will have a well-established structure of living. It is where they are able to deal with conflicts and setbacks, resolve diverse and assorted challenges, and build upon their marital system. Ultimately, another time frame for them to become one.

    Eventually, the birth of the first child happens and the couple becomes a full-on family which will continue to expand with every birth of another baby. Understanding that the marital system will need to adapt and change into a family system is a crucial aspect of a healthy home environment and satisfaction in the relationship. As the family expands the family system changes, transitions will happen with the birth of every new baby and over time as the kids grow up. As indicated by the National Institute of Health in the “Expectant parents' anticipated changes in workload after the birth of their first child”, evidence showcases that women's workload increases by 85%, while men’s by 53%. Thus, the couple's relationship will experience a lot more tension, which explains why many parents experience a decrease in their marital satisfaction, lower communication with their spouse, and increased feelings of being left out by their partner.

    The “empty nest” stage indicates the time when the children reach adulthood, leaving their parent's home to their independent lives, whether it is for college, a job, or by getting married. This is the time span where the parents must let go of their kids and begin to get back into a similar rhythm they had before the kids came along, to rediscover their individual identities and reevaluate their goals and priorities. Many couples actually divorce throughout this lapse of time because the kids were holding them together more than anything else.

 

    In conclusion, married couples have comprehensive long-term success when they are able to predict, plan, and prepare for the upcoming transitions and challenges in their relationship. Therefore, good communication, affirmation of love, cooperation, coordination, and intimacy are the main keys to a fortunate marriage.