Good communication has been one recurring solution to many of the marital challenges discussed, such as dealing with transitions through the married life journey, establishing an effective and adaptable family system, and handling stress. However, how are good disclosures of thoughts and feelings attained?
First, identify and work on resolving common types of conflict that aggravate communication. Complementary conflict explains the usual pattern of behavior where one partner is very dominant in the relationship, while the other is more passive. This comprises a distinguishable personality of one partner being persuasive and talkative and the other having a quiet and withdrawing characteristic. This allows greater issues to emerge because these dispositions reinforce each other, blocking opportunities for better communication to develop and increasing negative outcomes in the partnership.
The symmetrical and parallel conflicts, which are nearly the exact opposite of each other. A Symmetrical struggle happens when both partners react the same way. Related features can be the same as the ones from complementary conflict, but instead of reinforcing each other, they clash against itself. For example, if one partner yells, withdraws, persuades, or desires to win, the other partner will do likewise. Then, the parallel one is when the couple both deny, ignore, or retreat from a conflict. Thus, creating a gap in the proximity and intimacy of the relationship.
Frequent issues like encoding followed by decoding also obstruct good communication. According to research, voice tone indicates a deeper level of relaying one's mind, more than words. Whereas nonverbal cues, like body language, have an even greater part. Around 14% of a message is understood by words, while 35% is by tone of voice and 51% by body language. This happens because of the comfort level of being vulnerable, and the capability of being able to fully express emotions. Therefore, increasing self-awareness will improve communication within a relationship.
Feedback is equally important because of honesty and truth promotion. A certain level of criticism is required for effective outcomes just as much as being able to take in the critique constructively in a way that will assist the partnership to evolve and grow. This should convey a piece of friendly advice more than a brutal and complex critique of judgment. The couple makes each other feel loved, cared for and believed in.
Lastly, demonstrating empathy, assertiveness, and respect are the final keys. The EAR method encompasses the five secrets for effective communication. Empathy comes in a three-part combo. First, is the disarming technique, which is about discovering the truth behind the statements, arguments, or accusations made by the other person. For example, when someone says “I always take the trash out, while you don't do anything to help out in the house”, the truth behind this could be that the partner takes care of the trash “most times”. Failing to see what the other is doing around the house. As a result, the second and third parts are emotional and thought empathy. Rephrasing statements to better understand what another is thinking and ultimately feeling.
Fourth, use assertiveness. Avoid hiding thoughts, but show them in a direct and tactful manner. The “I feel” statement is generally the best way because it does not accuse or directly attack the partner receiving the feedback.
Finally, the fourth part is to show respect and appreciation. Recognizing the value of a partner and saying it out loud will showcase your attention to things you appreciate about them. Genuine and positive statements will be key to better handling heated situations.
In Conclusion, identifying any conflict or stumbling blocks in the relationship is the first step to take to better convey thoughts and emotions to the partner. Use positive feedback that shows care and love. After that, the five steps of effective communication will be more effective.
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