Divorce & Remarriage

Divorce causes many things, however, the most lasting effect is usually negative. Not only it affects the adults but their children as well, and it also affects the future families after remarriage. Although some divorces are likely done because of really good reasons, they still carry various negative legal, emotional, and social effects for all those involved. 

    Remarried adults frequently begin new relationships with more caution, greatly slowing down the process of increasing trust, reliance, and commitment levels to new intimate relationships. These emotional scars are much harder to heal and even after a long while these events leave behind a mark that still compels individuals to act differently than they would otherwise. On average 70% of divorced individuals regret having followed through with it within two years. On the other hand, couples who stayed together and worked through their challenges have reported a significant change in their marriage satisfaction level, within the same time frame they mostly went from a “very dissatisfied” to a “very satisfied” level.

    Mixed families experience all the same difficulties and challenges a nuclear one does but with many more added ones too. Hence, It is no wonder that about 63% of blended families with children end up divorcing again in less than two years. Some studies argued that as remarried couples experience these new adversities, they will need at least two full-year cycles to fully adjust. For example, events that would normally bring a nuclear family together, strengthen their relationship. Members of a mixed one are likely to experience sorrow because it reminds them that their families are separated, which makes various things a lot more complex and confusing to deal with.

    One of the main purposes of marriage is to increase the home and to have children, but blended ones experience an “instant family” event, which changes that mindset. The relationship of the children with the new parent in many cases is harder to be established. Not only that the tasks and responsibilities are not exclusive, but rather it is shared with a seemingly outside party. Consequently, all four basic systems that make up the ecological environment of both adults and children become unstable. This negative outcome often results in weaker family relationships, defective coping skills to adversities, and lowers social capabilities.

    Furthermore, the financial and legal troubles divorce brings for the parents are hard to overcome. When couples separate their mutual close friends ultimately have to choose who they will side with in the coming months and years.

    In conclusion, far too many divorces end up resulting in many negative legal, emotional, cognitive, and social effects. Most couples who undergo a crisis and divorce usually regret their decision after some time, while couples who work through their issue to resolve them, in due time, find themselves living a much more satisfying marriage. Children of blended families usually end up having a more unstable environment, resulting in an increase in early-life disadvantages compared to those whose parents have not separated. Nonetheless, parents must always work together in unity, otherwise even if the marriage does not end in divorce it will not be beneficial for their children or for themselves.

In summary, the best family relations are unavoidably a sum of all the topics covered so far in this blog and more. As I think about all twelve of them, I believe that appropriate preparations before marriage, refined parenting methods, open communication, and positive coping skills are the main keys to a good and satisfying marriage. Although there will not be any more posts, I hope that the things shared here have been of good use.

Parenting

     The purpose of parenting is more than raising one’s children in a healthy and safe home. It's about preparing them to be productive adults that transmit positive cultural values to the community and our society as a whole. Parents must therefore take responsibility for their actions, but it's not a downturn because having a family of your own opens a door for much joy. Children can bring out certain good characteristics that parents frequently did not know were there because never before have they had a chance to do so much for another person. In the end, a healthy family relationship will have a beneficial development not only for the kids but for the parents as well. Unfortunately, parenting is a hard task and brings many varying challenges, like identifying a child’s true needs.

    Every young child has different needs, and even identical twins showcase different behaviors and characteristics. Thus, one of the most effective ways to identify the needs of a child is to observe them closely and analyze their reactions and responses to their environment. Therefore, parental actions must follow after the causes and effects are pinpointed. For example, when kids display a pattern of undue attention-seeking, it is likely a response to a lack of contact and a sense of belonging. Hence, parents will have to provide this more freely and teach their kids how to contribute, so they can feel they are part of the team and feel that they belong.    

    Other instances could also be rebellion, undue risk-taking and avoidance, revenge, and controlling others. These reactions are often caused by a need for a greater sense of protection, a healthy amount of challenges, power, and withdrawal. On that account, parents need to come up with ways that will offer their children a greater sense of authority, like having at least two options from which they will choose, giving them a greater sense of control. As well as teaching them about how to put in work and take appropriate breaks, forgiveness, grit, and assertiveness.

    On the other hand, the current flow of parenting is not as it should be because parents suffer from deficiencies like the lack of vitamin N or the word “no”. John Rosemond, family Psychologist r, in “Is Your Child Getting Enough Vitamin N?” explained that it goes both ways. Parents must say “no” to their children, and the kids, in turn, must understand its meaning to more fully accept it. Providing everything a child desires far too often leads to overindulgence, which is a result of the absence of vitamin N. Consequently, children end up learning they can attain what they desire by whining, demanding, and manipulating. Whereas a healthy amount of being told “no” fixes this issue. Being told “no” teaches them that not everything is the way they wish things to be, it teaches grit as well as the law of work and sacrifice. However, being told “no” is not as effective if the parent's relationship with their children is faulty or not very well established. Thus, working through the parenting pyramid will be needed.

    Correction is the part of parenting found at the peak of the pyramid. Thus, correction is not a big part of parenting, rather it is the smallest one. Underneath correction is the teaching characteristic of parents. This is done by both action and word. Be an example because little children tend to imitate their parents a lot more than listen to what they are told.  

    Then, we have the parent/child relationship. If this aspect of parenting is not good, then saying “no” or teaching and correction will not be very effective. Subsequently, the husband/wife relationship must also be well-structured because kids can feel the energy given off by their parents and when both parents work as one, their work becomes that much more meaningful.

    Lastly, the base of the pyramid is the personal way of being. Parents need to make sure they are having their needs met as well. To be able to take care of another person, one must be able to take good care of themselves. 

    In conclusion, parenting is a wonderful experience of growth and love for both parents and children alike. Although there are many ways families experience challenges, being able to identify what they are and how they came to be will facilitate a parental response that will bring the family together. In the end, firmly building a positive relationship among all members usually by dynamically following the parenting pyramid structure.

Fathers & Finances

    The meaning of fatherhood has changed drastically in recent decades, its meaning and positive influence appear to be diminishing. The state of being a father branches off in many directions. However, the main idea of fatherhood is to take on responsibilities related to nurturing a younger generation, preparing it to lead the future of an entire society.

    Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., professor of political science, and author of “Is There Really a Fatherhood Crisis” argued that restoring the constructive characteristics of fatherhood is the solution to social ills. Major and frequent social behaviors have been discovered to have a direct relationship with fatherless children, such as “violent crime, drug and alcohol abuse, unwed pregnancy, suicide, and psychological disorders” (485). Therefore, a present and caregiving father has a critical role in our world.

    Governmental policies and projects like Save Our Children, Child Support, and the 1998 Deadbeat Parents Punishment Act demonstrated how serious the circumstances have gotten. The law is becoming an influential reason for better parenting than simple and pure human moral ethics. 

    Throughout most of our history, families had seemingly equal work, life, and family balance. Then around the industrial revolution, they began to differ exponentially over the years. Families were not a single workforce anymore, rather each person had to live in a specialized role. Fathers left their homes to go to work for the majority of their daily time, while mothers were homemakers. Thus, the time that could have been used to form closer family relationships was taken away and is currently perceived as the norm. Economic products, making money, have come to show increasing evidence that it does not equal household production because it does not offer the opportunities to build up families substantially.

    Work is an essential matter because the money made from it helps sustain families and raise children with greater living standards and a better social environment, but it is not everything. Many times over, when comparing high-income house households to lower ones, it is observable that both can still have meaningful, close, and positive family relationships.

    After the birth of a child, many households normally downsize to a single income for the next coming years. Nonetheless, Marvin J. Ashton in “One For The Money” discloses that the main factor in declining home welfare is “not the lack of money, but rather it is the mismanagement of such”. He shared a number of suggestions on how to correctly address money issues and how to prevent them. He made an intriguing case about five main points that I liked: managing money before it manages you, learning self-discipline and self-restraint, use of a budget, teaching families early about the meaning of work and earning, and the spiritual aspect of things.

    First, being able to discern between spending money on a family's wants and needs and writing it all down will make the analysis of such things much easier. Second, the skill and ability to control oneself is a worthwhile characteristic to pursue and master, often resulting in better long-term life-changing decisions. Then, visualizing how much to spend on a given period of time greatly assists in keeping things within the projected, planned, and prepared for expenditures. Finally, when family members learn the value of work early, it has proven to be tremendously beneficial on many numerous occasions, especially when kids grow up and are able to teach it to their own families. Paying a tithe is kind of its own thing because it gets into the religious aspects of money. However, having faith is part of the process in each of the previous points too. 

    In conclusion, fatherhood is much more than simply becoming a father of a child. It's about providing homes in which children can grow up to become someone who is able to build up their society and upon the things they have been taught. The financial relationship with fatherhood has played a significant role in making the above statement possible. Therefore, it must be taken care of seriously, unanimously with the spouse, and taught to the children early so that they become able to handle it as well in their due time.