What Does it Take to Prepare for Marriage?

    Filtering out cultural ideas and recommendations of what marriage preparations are needed is one thing to carefully consider because many people around the world today end up falling for them. They include things such as casually hanging out first, being financially stable, using cohabitation as a married life test experience, or needing to thoroughly love the other person.

    Within the last few decades, the term “hanging out” has been used increasingly more often as people go out on dates. However, this new term has diminished the original idea of dating because it is meant to be a more casual level of dating. This belief removes some of the most worrying parts of a date, such as the pressure of planning, long-term pairing prospects, and high monetary costs. As a result, it is understandable how appealing hanging out is in contrast to dating because it still provides both parties the time needed to become acquainted with each other, talk, discover common interests, and build trust. 

    An address about hanging out and dating by a religious authority, Dallin H. Oaks, sheds more light on this cultural issue. He states that the idea of hanging out is “postponing growth”, consequently creating an increasing number of “permanent adolescents”. Reasoning that the things seen on TV shows, movies, and so forth are the main agents pushing the meaning of dating to extinction.

    Another belief in the process of marriage is the need for financial stability. Surely, having money is a crucial part of life and self-sustainability. Being able to cover all costs of living for a family has always been a critical concern throughout the ages. However, it is also equally important to be aware that money is a comfort and a luxury. It cannot similarly offer the kinds of things that time and attention do. A great amount of cash bestows many benefits and good experiences, yet many families with good funds still have problems, issues, and conflicts. Hence, a poor family compared to a rich one can still be just as happy or sad, as far as financial concerns add up.

    Cohabitation is yet another cultural belief becoming increasingly popular in the last few decades. This is the idea that unmarried couples should live together for a certain period of time in order to experience what married life would be like with the other person. This is closely related to hanging out. It removes some pressure of a long-term commitment by providing a sample of how things might look in the long run, and it also provides some advantages as well. Be as it may, there are many married couples who have come to showcase the final results of cohabitation, the drawbacks outweighing the benefits. Some examples are that couples who have or are cohabitating have lower satisfaction and quality in the relationship, higher rates of violence, more unstable and durable commitments, and an elevated level of health problems along with depression.

    Whether one thoroughly loves the other person or not also gets in the way of people getting married, it may become a stumbling block for them. How much an individual loves another is hard to measure, but it is believed that all love boils down to four types: Eros, Storge, Agape, and Philia.

    Eros love is the passionate one, the physical expression of it, which usually is a source of great joy or sorrow when all is said and done. Storge love pertains to the kind of sentiment parents have for children. It is basically unconditional and comes naturally. Agape love involves no self-benefit, like the love of the Christian God for man and men’s love for God. Finally, philia love relates to an affection that goes beyond a good feeling, like brotherly love or a close friendship. In the end, it is imperative to know that it is unnecessary for anyone to fit into all of these categories, but rather only the one that is individually considered to be the most important.

    In conclusion, there is no need to hang out first, cohabitate, have great financial stability, or thoroughly understand the kind of love in the relationship. The thing that it truly takes to prepare for marriage is to not allow outside cultural ideas to get in the way of what each person feels to be right. There is no single right path to marriage, surprisingly there are actually various right ones.

How does Gender and Its Tendencies Influence Family Lives

 Though there might not be limitations to what men and women, or in other words the male and female genders, are able to accomplish, it is undeniable that both have their own sets of strengths and tendencies. Some of the most common patterns of behavior may be influenced by nurture, while others are by nature. As a result, each ends up with a set of skills that aid in their daily capabilities and roles within a family unit.

Usual male tendencies may include orientation toward three-dimensional objects, gross movements and activities, compartmental thinking, competitiveness, and aggression. The documentary “Boys & Girls Are Different: Men, Women & The Sex Difference”, directed by George Paul attempts to showcase whether the distinction between men and women is in fact an innate habit or a socially constructed standard. The presentation depicted evidence of baby boys having a greater tendency for physical movement than baby girls did. However, the baby boys did not attempt to copy mouth movements from the adults nearly as much as the girls did. Between those two main characteristics and a few others, it is not so surprising to see why grown-up boys mostly dominate the sporting world and girls have a more refined aptitude to notice small details.

Those tendencies and skills within men have aided them throughout history in their roles in their families. Most cultures around the world have demonstrated men being responsible for mainly protecting and providing for their families through time, as well as presiding over it. There are many benefits for families because of these qualities and differences. No individual can completely fulfill all the necessary functions a healthy family needs. Raising children to reach their true potential is a hard task, which can be made easier if a man and a woman work together. Thus, society benefits from male and female gender differences, whether it is by nature or nurture.

Some familiar female tendencies are their orientation to form relationships with other people, noticing small details, gentleness, connected thinking, and often cooperation. The varying development of the brain between the female and male gender offers an answer to why there are in fact differences between them. The short video “The Science Around Male Brains vs. Female Brains” adds to what the documentary by George Paul revealed and “A Tale of Two Brains: Men's Brain Women's Brain” by Mark Gungor clarifies it further. Gungor explained the female brain to be more like a “big ball of wire”, so everything is connected to another line, while the male one separates things into “boxes”, which do not connect with other things. Consequently, women can find how things can relate to and impact other things.

How do those tendencies aid in their roles in families? Women have a greater aptitude to have a wider perspective on things, while men are more myopic and may struggle to see the bigger picture. Not only that, many instances have shown mothers to have a natural tendency to raise children and guide them in challenging times. The way their brains work might explain why they are able to do these things more naturally than men.

In conclusion, men and women are indeed distinct beings and each has their own set of strengths and weaknesses. However, life is not a competition between the two sexes, so accepting these differences and using them for the benefit of our global society will further enhance it. Thus, it is very important to be aware of the existing differences between the two genders, as John Stuart Mill once said “He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that, [...] and has no ground for preferring either option”. 

The Effects of Social Class and Culture Diversity in Family Units

    Varying social classes in our society is an influential factor in individual and group development because of each class's distinct environment. Some of the strongest factors are the varying acceptable behavior, priorities, and engagement in activities and hobbies in which the lower, middle, and upper classes are involved.

    The environment each class is capable of offering affects family members over time as they grow up. A documentary directed by Louis Alvarez and Andy Kolker, “People Like Us: Social Class in America” explored the many ways social classes can impact education, job prospects, and personal relationships by interviewing a diverse range of people within the United States. In contrast to the families of a business owner, a working-class factory worker, and a schoolteacher, Tammy Crabtree and her family demonstrated a distinctive grooming, manner, living maintenance, and even a speech pattern compared to the other families. Years later, when part two of Tammy’s story was released, her early family environment unfortunately proved to have major, life-changing, consequences for her sons.

    In family units where the parents do not have outside support, or the children lack respect for them as well as education, or do not have a previous family model to rely on, are unavoidably more likely to distance themselves from the family members. Though it is hard to firmly argue that a different social class prevents the said events, the families of lower classes most certainly have a higher of encountering them.

    Another factor affecting family units is cultural diversity. Family cultures are commonly not easily identifiable until they are in contrast with other ones. The clash of different cultures can change things within a family system for the better or worse. After studying “The Costs of Getting Ahead: Mexican Family System Changes After Immigration” by Martica L. Bacallao and Paul R. Smokowski, showcases clear evidence that acculturation happens faster in children than in adults. Increasing tension within the family happens as children begin to adopt new cultures. This process most commonly occurs after families move to a different state or even a different country.

    As discussed in my previous post, one’s development is dependent on its four basic environmental elements, so when extreme changes happen in one’s microsystem, mesosystem, exosystem, and macro systems we can expect conflicts between family members, at least until they are able to adapt to the new circumstances and environment. Culture affects a family just as much as families affect cultureThusus a single country can have a wide variety of cultures from city to city and from one state to another.

    Familism, which encompasses behaviors, attitudes, and family structure, can slow down the process of acculturation and lift some of the tension it creates. However, the family structure must remain the same as it was, otherwise, there will be a power struggle when the circumstances and environment change. For example, if the father who had a leading role in the family structure works too much, or moves elsewhere to prepare the groundwork for the family to move in later, will not be present enough for the family as they need him to be. As a result, the oldest son might feel a responsibility to fill that spot, or someone else like the mother and even the other children.

    In conclusion, social classes and cultural diversities greatly affect the development of the members of every family unit. While there are indeed far too many factors to take into account in those two categories alone, not getting caught up in outside social behavior and cultural systems will be the strongest key to avoiding tension and conflict within the family unit.

Family Behavior Theories Can Help Family Members Come Closer to Each Other

    Theories attempt to explain why things happen, the phenomenons, but it is not necessarily a law or truth. Theories about family behavior have come from observations, numerous families were studied and even through their different dynamics, they all have shown behavioral patterns.

    Most families can be narrowed down to two groups according to The Family System Theory by Suzanne R. Smith and colleagues. We have a highly integrated family and an unintegrated one. Family involvement, discipline, and interdependence are commonly found in the highly integrated family, and a lack thereof is found absent in the unintegrated. However, it is not as simple as just deciding one day to have a family focus on those criteria for its members to come closer to one another. There are at least four major systems that make up the environment of the family members, affecting their development and consequently the very structure of the family. Understanding the parts is as important as understanding how they work together because the sum is greater than the parts, as Aristotle once said.

    First, we have the base level of Bronfenbrenner's ecological systems theory, the microsystem. It refers to the immediate environment of a person and their regular interaction with it. Knowing what kind of things people are directly involved in can help others more fully comprehend where they are coming from and how to approach them. Thus, understanding how the family, school, peers, and other social networks may influence a family member can help parents and siblings relate to each other.

    Then we have the second level, the mesosystem. This one recognizes that the microsystem of individuals is not independent, rather they influence and connect to the other ones. Schools are an excellent example because of how one thing learned in school from the teacher or classmates can get carried back home and vice-versa. Positive connections between the microsystems can be good for social development, but a negative relationship between the two may hinder it. These negative interactions create gaps within a family’s proximity and relationship. Generally speaking, the mesosystem is the framework for understanding how to approach a family member and how to come closer to them.

    The Exosystem is the third level of this family theory system. It focuses on another person’s environment, so it is beyond the immediate interactions of another, but still has an influence over them. Things such as a sibling's different class year, parent's workspace, local government, and so on indirectly affects the development of family members and it is hard to measure how much these things can influence each person. This part of the theory brings awareness of the importance of comprehending the broader contexts of each individual's life and how these things shape their environment. 

    Lastly, we have the social macro system. This one is a critical component among all the other levels because it includes all the customs, attitudes, values, and laws of the culture in which a family lives. As a result, the mix of different cultures can greatly affect the well-being and development of family members, it may also be a positive or negative influence. It brings to light the complex cultural and societal components to consider in any social studies and a family’s attempt to go from an unintegrated level to a more integrated one.

    In Summary, this is part of the Family System Theory which if applied can bring family members to come closer together. However, there are also many other types of theories that can help with that, such as family exchange, conflict, and symbolic interaction theories. My class had discussions over all of these theories throughout this week and each one of them is worth mentioning and talking about, but the family system theory called my attention a bit more than the others.